TOTEM Collection

14.12.2018

UDRUIAN CIVILIZATION - BIZARRE EVIDENCE OF A PERISHED CULTURE

In the Udruko sea, near the Bombago archipelago, lies the mysterious Udru island, which gave name to the civilization that developed here. Although only some information has been gathered, it is commonly known that the Udruians were peaceful fishermen devoted to the worship of many ancestral divinities, as well as tireless TV viewers of the worst Brazilian soap-operas.

Throughout the years and by risking their lives, fearless explorers brought to light evidence of Udruian artistry and culture. All artworks that you are about to see below represent the best engraving expression that the mysterious population realized during the peak point of their culture (which approximately coincides with the transition from black-and-white TV to color).

The objects featured here result from the workings made in 2017 by the great anthropologist Professor Leo De Carlo.



The four most popular mythological divinities for the Udruian are known as Indo, Undo, Ando, Endo. As far as we know, they are the guardians of hearth and home; each of them protect and support a specific domestic duty. They are the direct descendants of two main deities at the top of the Udruian religious hierarchy, called DOUGH-NUT and CROIS-SANT.

DOUGH-NUT and CROIS-SANT are barely mentioned into Udruian’s iconography, however they both are represented as baked products. In all likelihood, the four guardians displayed below have been realised during the Udruian era called GONZO, which is the equivalent of our early 60’s.


LIMITED EDITION OF GOLDEN MIRRORS


MIRROR "ANDO"
LORD OF BURNT OUT BULB

LDC_B_008_15
Ensures the smooth performance of electric power, even when the oven and washing machine work simultaneously.

» Product details «


MIRROR "ENDO"
GUARDIAN OF CLEANING

LDC_B_008_25
Avoids the dust accumulations underneath sofas and behind doors.

» Product details «



MIRROR "INDO"
PROTECTOR OF ARTIFICIAL BREEZE

LDC_B_008_35
Propitiates the reliable functioning on air conditioning, avoiding any interruptions during scorching times.

» Product details «



MIRROR "UNDO"
FATHER OF DEEP-WEB

LDC_B_008_45
Protects and strengthen the Wi-Fi connection, allowing it to reach every little nook in the house.

» Product details «


Each mirror of the TOTEM Collection is part of a limited edition of 10 units.

On the back of each piece, there is a plaque made of photo-engraved steel that identifies the serial number of the mirror, the name of the goddess, the designer, the master engraver, the workshop and year of production.


MINOR UDRUIAN EVIDENCE


UDRUIAN COINS

The value of each coin was related to the amount of children that each person had. Therefore, the value varied constantly, and it soon became a completely useless tool for purchasing and selling goods. Due to this fact, the coins resulted as the perfect instrument to hand debauched kids over to their grandparents.


DOUGH-NUT and CROIS-SANT

The plates represent DOUGH-NUT and CROIS-SANT, the major deities of Udruian religion, who have always been identified as the creators of universe by mixing up their own jams.


WEDDING PENDANTS

During the premarital period, a common habit for engaged couples was to wear these pendants for a whole lunar cycle. If the pendant would have been damaged during this period, the wedding could not be celebrated. Curiously, the number of male pendants found is much less than female ones.

HORNS OF GOOD AND BAD WEATHER

Originally held by men during the propitiatory rain dance, these ergonomic and iridescent amulets ended up soon to be used as distinctive elements of extramarital affairs. The wide range of discovered amulets, which belong to all Udruian periods, shows a variety of shapes, colors palette and size, that proves the extremely huge creativity of this population.

UDRUIAN COINS FOR OFFENSE

Used by women to express a certain bad word, which, for politeness, would have not been nice to say directly. To be more specific, the three rings state the following imprecations:
>> Your face is like a pudding
>> I hope that your air conditioning get stuck at 12 degrees
>> No, you don’t look like Britney Spears at all



BILINGUAL STELE: UDRUIAN/PASTAFARIAN

The stele here displayed is a extremely rare object. It is covered by bilingual text in Udruian/Pastafarian languages, which allowed the comprehension of the Udruian linguistic system - hence the interpretation of many writings found during the excavations, which apparently did not make any sense. The stele recounts the time needed to cook homemade pasta.

LARGE NECKLACE OF WARTHOG TEETH

Large priest necklace with pearls made of glass, pressed mud and warthog teeth that come from Ubukala region. The necklace had a clear intimidating message. However, nowadays no one knows why Udruians were scared of it.

RESTING TABLES

The resting tables were considered as absolutely vulgar objects. No one knows why.



THE STALE BREAD WHEEL

Udruians’ engraving skills have been well documented thanks to many discoveries that occurred over the last 20 years. Although accurate information regarding the tools they utilized are unavailable, some findings reveal the use of a stale bread wheel which causes abrasion on the glass surface due to a very powerful rotation done by hand.

Apparently, the polishing process of glass, and its mirrored finish afterwards, was achieved by using a layer of caramel, blended with other natural elements. This procedure resulted in a shiny and reflective effect similar to the one given by the contemporary chemical components - besides making them all gluten-free products.



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